My Problem With IB

I’m only a week into school and I already have tons to complain about. Thank you, education system.

During the holidays, I kind of forgot how stressed school makes me. Some background information: I’m currently in the 11th grade and I’m doing IB, which is this program that messes with your head. You have to do 6 subjects plus activities and this bunch of other stuff because all this pretty much defines what university you’ll be able to go to. I wonder who came up with the idea to let teenagers decide their entire future at the age of 16. I mean, I can’t even decide what to eat for breakfast. How the hell am I supposed to know what I want to do for the next 40 years?

Problem #2: teachers act like they’re doing you a favour by giving you the amount of homework that you’re getting. They aren’t. In one class, five pages of work may seem like a decent amount but if you get that same amount of work for each class, you add up to 30 pages of homework a day. On top of that, there are extracurricular activities which, in IB, you have to do to pass the course. So, no, teachers – you aren’t doing me a favour by giving me three tests next week instead of four.

If you’re doing IB, it’s likely that the bane of your existence is the *claps of thunder* extended essayDUN DUN DUN. If you’re not familiar with this, run. Run and hide. Never escape your cave. Learn how to survive in the wild.

Still here? You might want to see a psychologist because you are insane. Anyway, the extended essay is a hellish 4000 word essay that you have to write on a topic of your choice. It doesn’t sound that bad, but it is. After months of research, you pick an extremely specific research question which you can somehow write 4000 words on. Not to mention, it’s very competitive. You see, you need a supervisor for your essay and there are only so many supervisors for each subject. So this means that you have to:

a) Suck up to a teacher so that they accept your proposal.

b) Actually put effort into the extended essay before you even start writing it.

I can’t begin to explain how much stress I’m under about the essay because I don’t have a topic yet and I have about a week to find three. This should be fun.

Anyway, this was part 1. There are so many more problems I have with school but I can write a part 2 (maybe). I’m very non-committal so don’t hold me to it.

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Wifi

I love the Internet. ‘Tis a gift to us antisocial strangers who wish to do nothing but lay in bed and scroll through Tumblr all day. Buuuut my problem is my wifi.

It’s very slow.

I know that everyone complains about this, but I don’t think I’ve ever known fast wifi. It’s always been slow everywhere I go. What makes it worse is that the wifi doesn’t work in my room a majority of the time. It’s racist.

I can’t do basic things like load youtube without screaming at my laptop screen, throwing a fit and sacrificing a goat to Satan. I’m running out of sacrificial goats.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say their wifi is fast. It’s always slow. Everyone’s wifi is slow. Why are we not fixing this problem? I need my daily dose of memes. I need something to fill the void inside me.

Back To School

Today was my first day of school. It was okay. It went a lot better than I was expecting, but that’s because I had very low expectations.

That got me thinking – why are first days so difficult for me? I’m not entirely annoyed at having to wake up early and be out of the house all day, but for some reason going back to school makes me feel extremely anxious. I wonder if I finished all the work, if I made good use of my holidays, etc. The disruptions of the holidays isn’t what annoys me about the first day of school – it’s the anxiety that comes along with it. After a break, my mind forgets that going to school isn’t so bad, so when I have to go back I’m just not prepared for it. I always imagine it’s going to be a lot worse than it ends up being. Maybe that’s a good thing.

If I keep expectations low then it’s almost impossible to have a really bad day at school. This way, I won’t dread going to school the next day, despite all the work I have to do. Once I get the momentum going, it’s back to normal. First days shouldn’t be that difficult. I wish the night before the first day reflected what the day was actually going to be like rather than being a chaotic mess of screaming, crying, and wanting to run away and change my last name.

But that’s just what I think.

New Year’s Resolutions

Who the hell decided that we make unachievable, unrealistic, pure GARBAGE goals for ourselves at the beginning of the year? I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to start out my year breaking promises.

On the surface, New Year’s Resolutions are a sweet little reminder that you need to make changes in your life but imagine if we had a serious system that made us hold onto them for the rest of the year? The idea of keeping, what are usually, difficult promises that I make while I’m high on life for an entire year is nauseating. I can’t even keep something like a promise to exercise more or procrastinate less for a few hours, so why bother restricting myself with painful changes to my lifestyle?

Personally, I don’t think we need ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ to make a change. If you find yourself wasting too much time on the Internet in August, why wait till January to stop? The whole idea of ‘new year new me’ is so restrictive. A new year doesn’t equal a new you. You can change yourself whenever the hell you want. A new day can equal a new you. Why do we need to force ourselves to make huge and sudden changes to our lifestyles at the beginning of the year when we can do it whenever we want to?

In fact, it’s statistically proven that you’re more likely to make lifestyle changes if you do them slowly and spread them out rather than plunging in. Okay, that wasn’t actually statistically proven but if you give me the resources and time I’m willing to go prove it. Yeah, I’m supposed to be studying right now I’d just about be willing to do anything that gets me out of it.

OH GOD SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW KILL ME PLEASE.

(Don’t take that seriously, I’m a mess).

Reading and Stuff

I don’t read much. I don’t really know why. I mean, I enjoy books and all but I’m very selective and I can lose focus really easily while reading. This makes it difficult to read a lot.

I also read very slowly, so I take weeks to finish a book and by the time I’ve reached the end I’ve forgotten what happened at the beginning. I’ve wanted to be the person who has read a million books and knows a lot about the world and stuff, but it’s just not who I am.

I tried reading more during the holidays, but I found myself picking up the same immature books over and over. Am I just stupid? Do I not have the ability to comprehend complex concepts? That would suck.

I need book recommendations, preferably ones with relatively simple language else I lose interest and close the book faster than Brendon Urie closes the goddamn door (I’m sorry I’ll let myself out). Reading is a pretty cool thing, especially when I get immersed into the world and scream at the main character for being such an idiot. It’s fun (sometimes).

This love-hate relationship with books is hopefully temporary – I want to mature and be able to read the really good stuff which everyone keeps talking about. I’m still stuck on YA, with the terrible characters and over-written plotlines. I don’t want to be stuck here forever.

Don’t Be Fooled

Don’t be fooled by my username – I’m not really pretty. Or punk-ish. It depends on your definition of both those words, I guess.

I don’t have much to say but a certain someone told me that they’d love to read whatever I had to say so *hair flip* I’m probably really interesting (no I’m not, hi future self how’s that cringe trip  going?) .

Time to get to the point of this – I don’t know what I’m doing!! And you might not either!! So let’s!! Be confused!! Together!!

I should really not have access to the Internet.