Back To School

Today was my first day of school. It was okay. It went a lot better than I was expecting, but that’s because I had very low expectations.

That got me thinking – why are first days so difficult for me? I’m not entirely annoyed at having to wake up early and be out of the house all day, but for some reason going back to school makes me feel extremely anxious. I wonder if I finished all the work, if I made good use of my holidays, etc. The disruptions of the holidays isn’t what annoys me about the first day of school – it’s the anxiety that comes along with it. After a break, my mind forgets that going to school isn’t so bad, so when I have to go back I’m just not prepared for it. I always imagine it’s going to be a lot worse than it ends up being. Maybe that’s a good thing.

If I keep expectations low then it’s almost impossible to have a really bad day at school. This way, I won’t dread going to school the next day, despite all the work I have to do. Once I get the momentum going, it’s back to normal. First days shouldn’t be that difficult. I wish the night before the first day reflected what the day was actually going to be like rather than being a chaotic mess of screaming, crying, and wanting to run away and change my last name.

But that’s just what I think.

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